Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
