I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
