I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
