Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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