that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
