walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
