Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
