I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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