nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
