he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
