he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
