Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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