so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
