All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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