i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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