Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize