Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
