is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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