I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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