so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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