no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
