u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
