Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
