i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
