The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
