Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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