I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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