We won't sleep together?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
