I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
