I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
