I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
