i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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