My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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