i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize