so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
