Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
