chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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