dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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