My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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