I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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