Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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