You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
