I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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