My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
