i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
