You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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