I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
