ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
