She announced her abortion via fbk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
