I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
