My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
