Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
