That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
