literally had 100 drinks last night.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
