He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want to make out with him forever
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
