I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
