Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
