My brain says no but my pants say off.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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