I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
