Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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