its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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