I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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