..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
