He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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