I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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