Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
