I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
