I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
