We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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