is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
