My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she woke up with a sticky ear
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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