I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
