Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
