my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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