dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
