I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we're so committed to being not committed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
