just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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