This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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