What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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