Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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