I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
